BY: Ed Szczesniak/ Owner, Georgian Landscape Design
While our dear friend Stanley, aka Suwanee Man, is on vacation in Disney World – we stole a quick sneak peek into his top-secret time machine (he should probably come up with a better password than “IloveSBA”) to see what’s happening in Suwanee 2035. Read on fellow Suwanee-ite and hold on tight….
The City of Suwanee has grown from 17,000 residents in 2015 to a staggering 4,237,543 residents in 2035 – expanding the City’s footprint to include former neighboring cities: Buford, Duluth, Norcross, Sugar Hill, Flowery Branch and….Dawsonville? Yes, we were surprised about that last one too, but discovered a political twist behind it. Former NASCAR driver, Bill Elliot aka “Awesome Bill from Dawsonville” is now the Vice President of the United States. And you’ll never guess who the President is!
At a point when you thought the 2016 US presidential campaign couldn’t get any stranger, Suwanee Mayor Jimmy Burnette swooped in as a last-minute candidate and won in a historic landslide with 99.9% of electoral votes. Even more surprising is the fact that 20 years later, Mr. President “Da’ Man” Jimmy Burnette has remained in office, as not one single opposing candidate has surfaced over the past four elections. Sources close to the White House (now located in the former “Pierce’s Corner” in Old Town Suwanee) say that “Jimmy’s ability to lead Suwanee to monumental growth and prosperity, not to mention his ability to broker the first two decades of total global peace, means he’ll be “Da’ Man” for our foreseeable future.
In related news, Secretary of Defense, Mike Jones (former Suwanee Chief of Police,) has equipped every global member of the US Armed Forces with radar guns – thereby single-handedly solving the former National Debt Crisis by issuing over 200,000,000 speeding citations to driverless vehicles around the world. They gained momentum during the “Great Auto-Correct Fail of 2019,” when Siri hijacked Google car’s operating system and caused absolute chaos in the air (yes, Google cars fly now).
The 51st annual 2035 Suwanee Fest is kicking off with a new competition called Surf Suwanee. US Secretary of the Interior and former SBA President, Pete Patel, had the genius idea to connect Suwanee Creek to the Atlantic Ocean, thus creating a waterside paradise in Gwinnett. Excavating the 322-mile long and 35-mile wide ditch took only two short months thanks to a group of over 10 million wonderful volunteers. Suwanee Magazine helped spread the word and even attracted volunteers from oversees, being that the global publication is now distributed in over 63 countries and translated into 41 different languages.
In case you were wondering (which you shouldn’t be!) the SBA and its 3 million members are successful and thriving beyond belief. Ray and Suzanne, Owners of Friends American Grill, opened their 5,236th location: a field-level rotating restaurant inside the Atlanta Falcons stadium, offering 360-degree “as close as you can get” views of the game. Ray’s special wing sauce is even rumored to play a role in President Burnette’s “total world peace” offerings. Bob and Starla, Owners of Pooch N’ Paws, just welcomed their 1 billionth visitor. Having expanded from a small, Suwanee pet boutique into the world’s largest zoo/ water park/ animal-friendly amusement complex, P&P World (as we now call it) has won the hearts and kibble of adults, children and puppies around the globe. Being the first theme park to include rides for puppies has really helped them grow. And the invention of their exclusive “doggy barf bags” made the roller coaster a great experience for pups and owners alike.
Dillard’s BBQ is still in it’s original building.
Despite massive economic development and fiscal growth, Suwanee has retained its small-town, tight-knit community feel; due in part to an awesome network of local businesses called Suwanee Business Alliance. The SBA still gathers each month, at various locations around the City, where they foster professional relationships and friendships, network with other business owners, have fun, eat & drink, laugh, learn, and support one another.
Some things never change – and that’s a good thing.
For more information please visit suwanee.org and come be our guest at the next SBA gathering – where you too can be part of Suwanee’s future! We hope to see you there! ■
The SBA meets the 2nd Wednesday of every month from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. at different business locations in town. For more info: Suwanee.org.
