Here are my top three family therapist tips to start your year off right:
The new year is here, and many families are championing to start new healthy habits. You may have visions of family walks, healthy meals, and screen-free evenings full of laughter and fun. But, there are still holiday desserts laying around and no one is putting down their screens to talk or take a walk in the cold. It can be tough to make changes, especially changes that include the whole family, but it is possible. Let’s make this year different by changing some common family habits that get in the way of family wellness.
Here are my top three family therapist tips to kickstart your year with improved well-being for the whole family.
- Develop Positive Conflict Habits: how we handle conflict makes a big impact either positively or negatively on family well-being. One of the common triggers for stress and anxiety I hear from children, teens, and adults is that someone they love is frequently mad at them or yelling at them. Often our brains will flag this type of conflict as a threat and have a fight or flight response that could lead to difficulty sleeping, concentrating, eating, or isolating from others. To avoid this type of conflict, some people may stay on screens for long periods of time, isolate in their room, work excessively, or be combative. On the flip side, if conflict is handled well by communicating when family members are calm and seeking ways to repair the relationship or find solutions, conflict can actually be an opportunity to build closer relationships and improve well-being. This type of conflict can lead to a sense of belonging, increased motivation, emotion regulation, and more family engagement. A way to have calm, effective conversations is to take a 30 minute break if you start to notice you are having a body response during the conversation such as muscle tension, increase in heart rate, clinched jaw or hot face. Spend 30 minutes going for a walk or listening to music and then come back for a more effective conversation when everyone is calm.
- Prioritize Sleep: sleep plays an important role in how well our brain and body function. When we are well rested we have more energy, motivation, and more emotion regulation leading to less negative conflict and anxiousness. Some habits that could be impacting your sleep patterns are drinking alcohol and caffeine, watching screens or gaming before bed, and going to sleep at inconsistent times. Feeling anxious or keyed up can also impact the quality of your sleep. Anxiety often increases when we are trying to avoid something such as a feeling, a thought, or a task. Even though it sounds counter-intuitive, try to be curious about the anxiety you are feeling. For example, if you find yourself trying to avoid a feeling such as sadness or loneliness, try to get curious about what the feeling means and when it started. It could be really helpful information for you to pay attention to or share with a loved one.
- Establish Family Check-In Routines: check-ins can be whenever your family routinely has a quiet moment such as at the dinner table, before bed, or in a monthly family meeting. Ask your kids and partner for feedback on how they feel about the family and what they need more or less of in the household. Be open and curious about the feedback you receive. Often family members tend to make assumptions about how others are feeling or what they need, when a regular check-in could help to establish a clear understanding of ways to improve wellness in the family.
JENNIFER WILMOTH, LMFT
Jennifer Wilmoth is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and founder of Thrive Forward Therapy in the Suwanee area with over a decade of experience. She received her Masters of Family Therapy from Mercer University School of Medicine. She works with families and individuals dealing with a variety of concerns. She specializes in working with couples who want to improve their relationship, teens experiencing difficulties at home or school, children experiencing behavioral or relational concerns, anxiety, and depression. Learn more at ThriveForwardTherapy.com.
